Crunchy Jones and Coconuts

My stab at adhering to the Paleo diet is not going well. My common sense wants to squash it. I don’t eat red meat or pork. Love chickens and tuna and salmon. Love vegetables but dang, it will soon be way post-harvest, no more local veggies. Practicality is whispering in my ear — “too expensive.”

I have a monster crunchy jones snarling inside me. No more toast, no cookies, no crackers. Substitute vegetable chips, yes. I need that crunch.

My first Paleo-related trip to the health food store in search of substitutes ended in a $50 tab for six items. The almond “flour” made mealy morning biscuits, just as you might imagine. Between the gritty almond flour and some ground coconut stuff the texture was sort of like tough suspended cream of wheat or, better yet stiff grits. The blue berries are the best part of those poor, poor excuses for a scone substitutes.

Like everything else one needs the know how, the knowledge to cook with unfamiliar ingredients.

I do not possess that knowledge. I’m always  faking my way through cooking this or that. Sometimes with good results.

I’ll admit I’m a starch addict. I drink tea every morning and I need starch to mellow out the tannins.

I know I have trouble digesting most grains and beans. I can live without them, maybe. I love bread, but what’s bread without butter? I’m not sure I can live without cheese.

I am telling myself that I can make up my own diet and that I will exercise self-control and handle my lust for bread and cheese.

I’m doing pretty good on the bread but cheese, little bits — sharp cheddar pub cheese and a bit of swiss in an omelette — have been my anti-Paleo sins. Oh, and I bought low-fat sour cream because I started making banana omelettes (they are delicious with coconut milk added to the eggs). A banana omelette needs a bit of sour cream tucked inside.

It’s not easy to resist these simple, long cherished comforts of life, especially with this kind of naughty bread porn. Thanks,  bread-baking wonder of Tartine .

Watch this Chad Robertson bread making video posted over at My Kitchen Table and tell me you aren’t wiping the tears from your eyes, the drool from your lips and racing to your bread maker directly afterward.

Check out the Tartine bread pudding recipe over at Daily Candy.

I stubbornly refuse to believe that rice is bad. I found a list on a gluten-free site for Celiac disease that included Jasmine rice and Japanese sweet rice. I will not feel guilty for my rice pudding made with coconut milk. Well, maybe a little.

I’ve ditched the non dairy creamer, and cream itself in my teas. Substitute –> coconut milk. I paid oodles for tiny pints of coconut based ice creams.

I think it all must be fattening. But the fat is supposed to be a good fat, a body friendly fat, healthy, beneficial, curative even.

I beginning to suspect it might be too much and fully expect to wake up one morning to find I have turned into a brown fuzzy coconut. If I loose my self-control it might get ugly. Thank the gods and goddesses that Tartine is four hours away.

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